Here are some of the jokes you shared with us…

Here is a cross section of the jokes that you submitted this past week. Apologies if yours does not appear; we erred on the side of caution in not offending anyone.

 

Children in heaven are in a line. Big, glorious, jucy apples await them. They are told that they may take ONE apple before entering the gates and that God is watching to make sure only one has been taken. After they have passed they see St. Peter with a whole tray of doughnuts, and he is saying “take how many you want ” A child approches and says “but we were told only one” St Peter laughs and says “Don’t worry God is too busy counting the apples”🤗

 

Do you know what you get when you play a country tune backward?

You get your job back, your house back, your wife back, your dog back …

 

Do you know where the ghosts keep their sheets?

In the sheet house!

 

How do you keep Canadian bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away it’s tiny broom.

 

I had my patience tested. It was negative.

I run like the winded.

 

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Olive.

Olive who?

Olive you!!

 

What did the dog say to the flea?

You bug me!

 

What do you do if you get lost in an Icelandic forest?

Stand up!

 

What is a vampire’s favorite holiday?

Fangs-giving!

 

What time was the patients dentist appointment?

Tooth-hurty!

 

What’s black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!

 

Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

They always take things literally!

 

Why do flowers drive so fast?

They put the petal to the metal.

 

Why do volcanoes erupt?

Because they’re bursting with laughter

 

Why don’t skeletons play music in church?

They don’t have organs!!!😂

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