Like a lot of churches, over the course of the pandemic, a large number of our kids and their families stopped attending. Online church just wasn’t enough, especially after long days of online school.
Returning to in-person community, our numbers of kids and youth meant that we only needed to offer programming at one of our services. It was one of the driving reasons for our choice in service times (8:30/10:30); if you’re only going to offer one option for kids, it needs to be at a time that works for all ages of kids.
Over the last year, however, we have been thrilled to see the numbers of kids and youth joining us on Sundays grow steadily! So much so that we need to offer our kids’ groups at both of our services, which will also allow us to return to the service times this church offered since originally going to two services (I think that was in the 1990s!).
Starting August 18th, we will gather at 9 am and 11 am, with programming for kids up to 5th grade offered at the first service, and all ages through high school at the second.
In making this change, we have thought a lot about whether or not we would have the kids with us at the start of both services, before we sing them to their classrooms.
On the one hand, taking this multi-generational time often means a service is about 70-75 minutes, which would put a big strain on any potential between-services programming. We also know that for many who attend our first service, the presence of younger kids with their amazing wiggles and sounds can sometimes cause distraction that makes it harder to hear.
On the other hand, we also know what a big difference this practice has made since we started it in our 10:30 service.
First, some background. For a long time, kids who have been raised UU later report that they never became adult members because they never felt like they belonged in the adult community – their church was a small group of kids their same age, and in rituals meant for 8 or 10, not 200.
We also know that spiritual values and practices are more effectively caught than taught; in other words, the act of being in full inter-generational religious community alongside others who are also in that community, saying the covenant, singing hymns, listening to the stories and reflections together is a more effective way of teaching our children Unitarian Universalism than when they rarely have the chance to have that time in full community.
Since we started this practice, we see that our kids now have a familiarity with songs and with the covenant, and with our ministers. They also have made relationships with adults who they sit near, and have a sense of belonging in the whole church. They also get to see how adults handle themselves when they are distracted, or bored, or when they are in the presence of kids. They get to see in practice what matters to our community.
Our adults are in turn blessed with greater connections with younger people, and have the chance to feel the vibrancy of what it means to be in a truly inter-generational community – which is such a rarity in life today. They also get to make that arch sending our kids on their way, connecting us more deeply with our deeper purpose and responbility to generations to come.
For all of these reasons, we ultimately decided that it is most true to our mission, vision, and values, to maintain the multi-generational time at the start of the service at the top of both services. We are finding ways to scale back other elements at the top to help with the time concerns – it will take us some practice, so we appreciate your patience!
If you are someone who struggles to hear or pay attention when there are extra wiggles or noises in the congregation (which let’s be honest, aren’t always from our kids!), in those moments, I find it’s good to remember that ultimately the point of religious community is not hearing the words, or having our individual preferred spiritual experience – it is about the whole experience of being human, alongside other humans. It is about learning together, and being challenged, and uncomfortable – so that we can grow.
I also feel really lucky that we are a church that has so many sounds of kids present! Which means it can be another opportunity to practice gratitude.
We really do need each other to make sense of anything in this life – across the whole of our life. I look forward to being in church with you, learning with you, and growing together, across all of life’s stages and ages.
-Rev. Gretchen Haley, Senior Minister